My Apology To The Perfect Mom

Well, it's time for someone to speak the truth, and for me, it's time to admit something to myself. We see articles, posts, and all sorts of rants about "the perfect mom." I will now be admitting that I used to judge the crap out of "perfect moms" because of my own insecurities. I always thought that if mothers had their kids dressed in expensive clothes, perfectly parted and curled hair, and also made themselves look like models, that it must mean they are superficial women who only do that to get attention from the public for their own personal gain, and need to get their priorities straight. Wow, kinda harsh, eh? Well, I know I'm not the only mother that has had that thought, so stop acting like you're innocent, too. I am writing today to sincerely apologize to every woman I ever had these unkind thoughts about. Let me break this down:

I started the first 4 years of my motherhood as a single mom. Many of those years, I was a failure. Literally. Thankfully, my mom was around to keep my daughter afloat while I acted like an immature, selfish 20-something year old. Once I took a step back to actually see what kind of mom I was, I started to feel like I was a terrible mother who was worthless and again, a failure. I put every other mother on a pedestal and said I'd never be as good as them. Well, that wasn't fair to all the mothers of the world. That's added pressure that no one needs. So, because I compared myself to everyone else on a daily basis, I set myself up for a miserable life. Telling yourself that you're a bad mom and that you won't amount to anything only does one thing...it ensures that's what you'll be. As the Law of Attraction says, "your wish is my command." I told myself over and over that I was bad, so guess what? I acted badly. I failed.

A mother shouldn't avoid church or the public because her family doesn't look like the model family in a new picture frame at the store. That's not realistic, for most. Now, some women are extra patient and very good at handling all her kids and making the time to get everyone looking their best. Good for her. Really. No need to say, "I hate her" or "she's a faker" or "she's so worldly to care about that." Now it's time for me, and frankly, most mothers to stop attacking those women who have more energy than us! I COULD make my family and home look AMAZING at all times, but I don't have that fight in me. I'd rather use my little energy for other things, and that's okay, because I am my own person. The mom down the street with the perfect house, kids, clothes, vehicles, and all of the above is her own person, too. We don't know what it's like for her behind closed doors. Maybe she appears perfect, but spends her Sunday mornings screaming and sweating while running around her house. Maybe she says a little prayer to "just get me through the morning" and yet all we see is her perfection and judge her for being what she wants to be and allows herself to be. If she can make that work, then all the power to her. We know how hard that is so let's give her a round of applause for surviving each day of motherhood.

Okay. Let's discuss birthday parties. Yes, I went there. Now I know Pinterest might be the most self-loathing website in the world, but let's admit that we all still love it. No mother needs to feel obligated to have every holiday and birthday party at a Pinterest-worthy level, but if you want to, then DO IT! Again, I thought moms only did those birthdays so they could take pictures and add them to Instragram and Facebook to brag and make themselves look more amazing than all the other moms. Okay, maybe some do that for personal gain, but I'm thinking now that most moms who do that are just so happy with the end result and want to share it with their friends and family because it's so dang cute and exciting! A LOT of work goes into those kind of parties and if I spent hours and hours on a fancy party, heck yes, I'd want to show someone how it turned out! Now that I'm out of my "wo is me" mind frame, I can actually see this clearly. Again, I'm sorry for judging.

I hate that I was so insecure that I had to judge others because I wasn't making my life what I wanted it to be. And I'm sorry. Now some of you might be wondering what sparked this post and my attitude change. Well, I've decided that all the crap I had in my life, I attracted it there. Yep, I'm a firm believer in The Secret or Law of Attraction. I won't get into it, but if you haven't watched the film, you deserve to watch it. You can have all that you want in this world if you ask, believe, and receive. Faith, effort, and work.

So in conclusion, it's time for me to start saying what I WANT in this life and not what I don't want or don't have. No more looking at the other moms who have gorgeous expensive homes, clothes, and "perfect" lives. If that's what I want, then it's time to STOP COMPLAINING and go get it for myself. If I can offer any advice to any mothers that have been like me in the past, here ya go:

- STOP COMPLAINING. If your life sucks and you have no money, time, material things, or anything else you don't have, STOP DWELLING on it. That will only keep you miserable.

- START BELIEVING YOU DESERVE MORE. If you want that life, then will it to yourself. Tell yourself and the universe that you want that life and that you WILL have it. Believe you can have it.

-STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF. You have the ability to be anything in this world. If you want to host Pinterest parties, then have them. You CAN do it.

- STOP JUDGING. You DO NOT know what that other mom's life is like. It might be hell. Her only happiness in her day might be seeing her kids all dolled up, or her living room spotless until the kids destroy it again. Maybe her marriage is on the rocks. You don't know. Focus on yourself, not others.

-STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK. It doesn't matter. If you love yourself and you feel like you are worth it, it doesn't matter what he or she thinks. You can't control other people's thoughts so stop acting like you can. Please yourself, your family, and God. No one else matters when it comes to pleasing.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO STAND OUT. If you are one of the moms that usually get your kids looking fabulous, don't be afraid to keep doing that. All the insecure moms out there and go pound sand. Do what makes you happy.

My final note is that you all remember I am only writing this and giving the advice because I HAVE BEEN THE ONE IN THE WRONG. I, ME, CARMEN, have been the one complaining, judging, thinking I don't deserve it, doubting myself, and obsessing about what others think. It's time for a change and it's time to start loving each other and letting each mom live her own life.

Motherhood is difficult, challenging, and exhausting. Support each other, dang it. We all need the support, and you know it.